41 and counting....

Wow - a year has gone by. Sitting here listening to Christmas carols again - my uncle would say I've gotten into a pattern - argggghhhh!!! So why the yearly blog? Well, I can't sit down without saying a lot, and I don't have the time to sit down and say a lot. So, my new resolution for my forties, to blog shorter and more often - let's see how we do....

Pheww... There's a lot to say, we (all of us) are in some dire circumstances, I haven't talked to anyone who doesn't feel that way. Got a call from my fairy godmother tonight (can't put in words how nice that was), she owns a small business, and they aren't doing well, surviving, like the rest of us, but not doing better. Sister the same, everyone's having a tough time, and its palpable. Oh, I have a lot of hope, as I always do, but it's becoming more difficult to stay positive. Oh, I don't expect this whole thing to last that long, but it's still hard to sit here at the very nadir of the 21st century and have a lot of hope.

Of course there's always the inauguration, we're going - I don't care if there's 3 million people, it's going to be a part of history! There's a lot of hope there, nothing unrealistic, but just the feeling that the hope and excitement that was so evident on November 5th will bring the country out of the doldrums. I won't get started on how Bush is doing his very best to bring this country as low as it can go before he leaves office, but merely wondering - and hoping - and I guess more importantly trusting in America. Which I guess is a good feeling afterall, I haven't trusted in the strength of America for a long time....

It's been a long time coming...

Really starting to reflect on what it means to turn 40. Certainly not the first, certainly not the last. But there, reflecting, nonetheless...

Lots of reflecting, how can you not? Everyone talks about it - I am not shy about my age so there's lots of discussion with both older and younger colleagues about how I feel. I have to be more happy than most others. I've actually been looking forward to my forties for a long time. I love life, and am in a great place right now, a great family, a great job, Ron has a great job - he's happy. Thomas loves school and Bar-T, is making tons of friends, and Ethan is the cutest boy you could ever want to meet, ready to marry his teacher, Miss Erin, at Kindercare, and uninviting each of us to the wedding whenever we misbehave.

I stared my first blog on my thirty-fifth birthday. I don't write often, but its a pretty good catalog for what's gone on since then. Now I am forty, well almost - thre days left, but close enough. I am probably one of very few women who doesn't mind calling herself forty before she has actually crossed that line, or even gone far beyond. My sister, Kim, started counting backwards, somewhere in her thirties, so I know she doesn't want to admit it...She must be 25 at most by now...

Listening to Bing Crosby - Man - what better to listen to the week before Christmas than Bing? Frank is on now... But earlier, I was listening to Bing sing Adeste Fideles and thinking about Dad, and about past Christmases and the more Bing I listen to, the more I think about how he was such a part of almost every Christmas memory that I have, and how listening to him just evokes that feeling and how memories of every Christmas just flood back into my mind.

But the one that got the feeling started was Bing singing Adeste Fideles, in Latin. Dad used to sing Adeste Fideles in Latin, and he had such a pleasant low-pitched voice it just reached right inside of you, I was always so impressed that he sang it in Latin (probably pretty common then but impressive for sure now), and I could just feel him singing it while I was listening; see the smile on his face and hear the rumbling of his voice.

I have so many audio-based memories of Dad. One very familiar one of him saying "Hi Trace" from when I was an adult, I think I remember him wearing a white shirt, and I know I wasn't a child; there was that feeling of respect of when he finally accepted me as an adult rather than playfulness that goes with the memories of him telling me things when I was little. One of the memories I remember most often is his explanation of how "it isn't logical to exceed the speed limit". This conversation happened on the way to my first day of U Mass, the year before he died. His theory was that since the length of the trip was short (U Mass was only about 1 1/2 hours from home), and that speeeding during the trip would only shorten the time traveled minimally, that benefits of the time saved by speeding would not exceed the safety benefits of going the speed limit. And so now, for every trip I take (and those who know me well know I travel long distances by car pretty often), I sit there while I am driving (the 12 hour drive from DC to Massachusetts) and analyze how much time I will save at different speeds and how it will affect my arrival time, either on the way to Massachusetts or on the way home to Maryland. I have definately come to the conclusion that his reasoning would not pan out if it was applied to my driving experiences.

I guess I love to think about those memories, especially now during the holidays. Happy memories always - for me. I guess that's a lot about what turning forty is about, thinking about your past successes and failures - and of course the plans for the second half of your life. My plans are going pretty smoothly right now, I am happy with my family, my job, and my life in general. So I am guessing that's why all the thoughts about Dad. I think he'd be pretty proud of me.